Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
