I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
