Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
