Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
You made out with two different species that night
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
