So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
