UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Randomize
