Welp...herpes.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Randomize
