Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
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