I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Randomize
