Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Randomize
