My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
