Sacagawea was the original milf.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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