this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
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