Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Randomize
