well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize