This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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