There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
