College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
