I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
We have started to decorate penises.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
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