He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Randomize
