Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Randomize
