i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
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