Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
