PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
