and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
