I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
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