I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
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