Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Randomize
