dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
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