dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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