Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Randomize
