Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize