My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Randomize
