When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Randomize
