Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
