put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
