quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Randomize
