Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Randomize
