when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
