The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Randomize
