my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
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