i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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