she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Randomize
