He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
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