Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
