he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
