these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
