I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
50% drunk capacity currently
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
