some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
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