$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
