Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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