Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
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