Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
