dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
