Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Randomize
