i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
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