i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
