you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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