Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Never joke about your clitoris.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
