I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Drunk is a universal language darling
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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