remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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