i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
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